本來是我申請DCC(Design Centric Curriculum)的Essay……很散的文字……不過，對我的大一·上的生活，有一定的總結意義。
At the
beginning of this semester, when Winnie (our course coordinator) mailed me
about the modules I’d be pre-allocated, I found that for this semester, I didn’t
have much things to learn: CG1101, Programming methodology, learning C
programming, which I had learnt quite a lot by myself during my Bridging
Course; MA1505, Mathematics I, learning Calculus, which I had already been very
good at the first three chapters; PC1432, PHYSICS IIE,
about electricity, light, and quantum physics, which I had learnt most of them
in either high school, or the modules I’d taken during the bridging course
(PC1222 and CM1101). I felt that, for sure, I’d get a very good CAP after the
first semester. Thus, in order to balance my workload, I took two Biz modules,
BSP1005B, Managerial Economics, and MKT1003, Principles of Marketing, which is
consider, by my senior, to be difficult to the ESL(English as a Second Language)
learners.
I’ve
skipped most of the Math, Programming, and Physics modules, because I really
don’t want to re-learn the things I had already known – when I attended these
lectures, I found myself simply couldn’t concentrate on the lecture because
these things are just too simple; however, I never skip the Biz modules because
that I know I’m not good at them, while frankly speaking, I didn’t spend enough
time on these biz modules in my spare time. Probably it’s because that, deep in
mind, I subconsciously resist the things that I am not good at, since I read
these text books really slow.
At the
beginning of this semester, I was busy doing publicity for a non-NUS CCA, Cyema
Company Visit. I spent nearly all the time on it, sometimes I even worked until
4 a.m.. It’s a part of miserable memory (But I did improved a lot for that
experience). I thought of quitting that CCA many times, since I couldn’t
balance my time well enough, but I persisted until the end of that event, 11th
Sept, 2 weeks before the mid-term test. After that, before joining a CCA or
making a promise, I would consider it very carefully – can I really take that
responsibility or not?
I should
have noticed that warning during the mid-term test, in which I got the MA1505
just above the average, while BSP1005B below the average. I didn’t learn from
this small failure – on the contrary, I deduced the reason to be my
carelessness and the time spent on that CCA..
Things
simply goes on after the mid-term test, I seldom go to the MA, PC and CG
lectures. I initially planned to learn the same subject during the lecture
time; however, I found myself lacking of self-control at that time, since it
was very easy for me to find something else to do, which is far more
interesting than these modules.
How time
flies! Suddenly one day, I noticed that the exam was actually one month later,
while I was still reading the lecture notes which should have been finished
long time ago. At that time, I was busy learning a Chinese Math text book,
which is far deeper than what is taught during the MA1505… thus it’s far more
time-consuming. I made a plan for the reviewing of all these lecture notes, but
soon fell back to my own reading on math.
During that
period, I found that, due to the problem of language, I cannot perform well in the
MKT1003 presentation – I spent a whole night to prepare, while still speak
slow. Considering the low grade for my individual assignment, I decided to give
up reviewing that module for that period – since I can choose the S/U option.
Since the way of thinking trained during that module was so important, I
decided to follow that module the next semester, the next next semester, … , until I can fully understand.
When the
final exams comes, I still didn’t fully master the methods taught in each
module, especially those only taught during the lectures. Thus, I did very bad
in my MA1505, CG1101 and MKT1003 exams, far less than what I expected to perform
at the beginning of this semester. I actually failed these exams measured by my
standard.
Looking
back through the whole of my first semester, I had been wavering between the
exam, and my own interests. I’ve wasted lots of time during that process
because when I don’t know what to do, I would go and read something easy – RSS,
videos, NEWS, etc. This is a sign of lacking self-discipline. By doing this, I
had lost both the CAP and my interests in math and programming.
This failure
is not about CAP, but about learning. I could still get a high CAP if I’ve done
more than enough exercises, however, even if I’ve gotten a high CAP, these
modules are still a failure to me since I’ve wasted my time. Sometimes failure
and success are not so easy to differentiate. It’s a failure only when your
performance falls under your standard;
it’s a failure just when you could have done better. It’s my big failure, since
I could have done much better.
Learning is
a lifelong process. It’s not wrong to skip these lectures, as long I’m making
full use of my time. However, by skipping these lectures, I’ve lost the very
good opportunities to discuss with the professors, the great thinkers. This is the
most important thing a university can offer its student.
I’ve been
imagining what I could have done if I can do it again, but what’s gone is gone,
and I can only improve from now on. Plan well, perform well, never waste a
single minute, concentrate on the knowledge and skills which are really
important, and I do like from heart: math, programming, sharing and
communicating with others. Everyone has gotten a great brain, don’t waste it.