本來是我申請DCC(Design Centric Curriculum)的Essay……很散的文字……不過，對我的大一·上的生活，有一定的總結意義。

At the beginning of this semester, when Winnie (our course coordinator) mailed me about the modules I’d be pre-allocated, I found that for this semester, I didn’t have much things to learn: CG1101, Programming methodology, learning C programming, which I had learnt quite a lot by myself during my Bridging Course; MA1505, Mathematics I, learning Calculus, which I had already been very good at the first three chapters; PC1432, PHYSICS IIE, about electricity, light, and quantum physics, which I had learnt most of them in either high school, or the modules I’d taken during the bridging course (PC1222 and CM1101). I felt that, for sure, I’d get a very good CAP after the first semester. Thus, in order to balance my workload, I took two Biz modules, BSP1005B, Managerial Economics, and MKT1003, Principles of Marketing, which is consider, by my senior, to be difficult to the ESL(English as a Second Language) learners.

I’ve skipped most of the Math, Programming, and Physics modules, because I really don’t want to re-learn the things I had already known – when I attended these lectures, I found myself simply couldn’t concentrate on the lecture because these things are just too simple; however, I never skip the Biz modules because that I know I’m not good at them, while frankly speaking, I didn’t spend enough time on these biz modules in my spare time. Probably it’s because that, deep in mind, I subconsciously resist the things that I am not good at, since I read these text books really slow.

At the beginning of this semester, I was busy doing publicity for a non-NUS CCA, Cyema Company Visit. I spent nearly all the time on it, sometimes I even worked until 4 a.m.. It’s a part of miserable memory (But I did improved a lot for that experience). I thought of quitting that CCA many times, since I couldn’t balance my time well enough, but I persisted until the end of that event, 11^th Sept, 2 weeks before the mid-term test. After that, before joining a CCA or making a promise, I would consider it very carefully – can I really take that responsibility or not?

I should have noticed that warning during the mid-term test, in which I got the MA1505 just above the average, while BSP1005B below the average. I didn’t learn from this small failure – on the contrary, I deduced the reason to be my carelessness and the time spent on that CCA..

Things simply goes on after the mid-term test, I seldom go to the MA, PC and CG lectures. I initially planned to learn the same subject during the lecture time; however, I found myself lacking of self-control at that time, since it was very easy for me to find something else to do, which is far more interesting than these modules.

How time flies! Suddenly one day, I noticed that the exam was actually one month later, while I was still reading the lecture notes which should have been finished long time ago. At that time, I was busy learning a Chinese Math text book, which is far deeper than what is taught during the MA1505… thus it’s far more time-consuming. I made a plan for the reviewing of all these lecture notes, but soon fell back to my own reading on math.

During that period, I found that, due to the problem of language, I cannot perform well in the MKT1003 presentation – I spent a whole night to prepare, while still speak slow. Considering the low grade for my individual assignment, I decided to give up reviewing that module for that period – since I can choose the S/U option. Since the way of thinking trained during that module was so important, I decided to follow that module the next semester, the next next semester, … , until I can fully understand.

When the final exams comes, I still didn’t fully master the methods taught in each module, especially those only taught during the lectures. Thus, I did very bad in my MA1505, CG1101 and MKT1003 exams, far less than what I expected to perform at the beginning of this semester. I actually failed these exams measured by my standard.

Looking back through the whole of my first semester, I had been wavering between the exam, and my own interests. I’ve wasted lots of time during that process because when I don’t know what to do, I would go and read something easy – RSS, videos, NEWS, etc. This is a sign of lacking self-discipline. By doing this, I had lost both the CAP and my interests in math and programming.

This failure is not about CAP, but about learning. I could still get a high CAP if I’ve done more than enough exercises, however, even if I’ve gotten a high CAP, these modules are still a failure to me since I’ve wasted my time. Sometimes failure and success are not so easy to differentiate. It’s a failure only when your performance falls under your standard; it’s a failure just when you could have done better. It’s my big failure, since I could have done much better.

Learning is a lifelong process. It’s not wrong to skip these lectures, as long I’m making full use of my time. However, by skipping these lectures, I’ve lost the very good opportunities to discuss with the professors, the great thinkers. This is the most important thing a university can offer its student.

I’ve been imagining what I could have done if I can do it again, but what’s gone is gone, and I can only improve from now on. Plan well, perform well, never waste a single minute, concentrate on the knowledge and skills which are really important, and I do like from heart: math, programming, sharing and communicating with others. Everyone has gotten a great brain, don’t waste it.